Showing posts with label COMEDY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label COMEDY. Show all posts

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Release~Rye Must Die by Dakota Madison & Savannah Young


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Rye Must Die
An Izy & Max Paranormal Comedy
by Dakota Madison & Savannah Young
Genre: Paranormal Romantic Comedy 
Release Date: July 24, 2015 


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SYNOPSIS


There’s a fine line between sexy alpha and creepy stalker…and Rye has crossed it.

RYE MUST DIE is a SHORT NOVELLA by USA TODAY BESTSELLING AUTHOR Dakota Madison and Savannah Young. It can be read as a STANDALONE or as part of the ongoing series.

Izzy Grant is supposed to be dead, suicide by hanging. But when she regains consciousness she’s still alive and still the crazy girl voted Most Likely to Kill Herself in high school. She’s still the girl who everyone in Old Town loves to hate.

But one thing had changed. He saved her life, a man wearing all black and riding a motorcycle. He pulled her down from the tree and made sure she was still breathing.

Now he’s following her. Izzy doesn’t know why, but she’s eager to find out.



EXCERPT

Prologue

I gasp for breath. Then I cough. The brisk air stings my lungs.

I’m on the cold, hard ground, not hanging from the tree like I’m supposed to be, and I’m definitely not dead.

When I open my eyes I’m glad it’s dusk. I don’t think I could take the glare of the sun right now. Dusk was always my favorite time of day, when nature’s light is fading away.

My neck feels raw, but there’s no rope on it. I search around me, but the rope seems to have vanished.

I spot a guy dressed in all black. He’s sitting on a black H-D Iron 883, very similar to the motorcycle I ride.

A shiver runs through me when I realize the guy is watching me.

He must have been the one who did it. He cut me down from the tree. I have a vague memory of a struggle. Of strong arms grabbing me and holding me tight. I fought against him, but I was hopelessly outmatched.

I wanted to die but I realized he wasn’t going to let me.

Then I blacked out, and woke up on the ground.

I wonder how long he’s going to sit there. It’s almost like he’s guarding me. Then he opens a black satchel on his bike and removes a rope—my rope—and holds it up for me to see.

I feel like he’s taunting me with it. Why does this asshole care if I live or die?

When I give him the finger he doesn’t respond. He just puts on his dark helmet and speeds away, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

I think about some of the other ways I could kill myself, but those methods leave a margin of error that I’m not comfortable with. I don’t want to jump in front of a moving truck only to be paralyzed for life and still not dead.

Besides, I’m suddenly hungry and craving a burger and fries in the worst way. I guess today is not the day for me to die.

Six Weeks Later

Another exciting day at the Old Town Antique Shop. I’ve had only two customers and only one who actually bought something. It’s a good thing the building is completely paid for, I live right upstairs, and my grandmother was extremely generous to me in her will. I certainly couldn’t afford to run a real business on the pittance the store makes on a weekly basis.

I would have been out of Old Town by now if my grandmother didn’t croak. And she didn’t stipulate in her will that I had to keep the antique shop running in order to get the money she entrusted to me. I’m the last living member of the Grant family and I now have the honor of running the business that’s been in our family for generations.

I glance down at the stash of romance novels I keep hidden under the counter. I know they’re cheesy, but right now they’re the only things that are keeping me from slashing my wrists when I’m in the bathtub. They give me the slightest bit of hope that maybe someday; someone will love the town pariah. Even the meanest girls in romance novels always get the guy.

I’m deep in a very hot sex scene when I’m startled by the little bell that chimes when the front door opens.

I’m even more surprised by the guy who walks into my shop. Or more like strolls in. He’s wearing a wild flowered Hawaiian shirt over a red Green Day T-shirt, faded cargo pants and red converse high tops. He runs his hands through his mop of sun-bleached blond hair, but it doesn’t help. Old Town is always windy, but his hair isn’t just windblown. It’s a little too long and looks shaggy.

He’s definitely not from Old Town.

After giving me a quick once over he grins. His grin is too wide and his teeth are too perfect and too white. I already hate him.

“You know we’re nowhere near the shore?” I try not to sound as disgusted as this guy is making me.

He laughs. He seems like the kind of guy who laughs easily. I hate him even more.

“I’m not here to surf.”

I give him a once over. “You could have fooled me.”

He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a shiny business card. He wiggles it in my face so the light overhead reflects off of it.

I rip the card out of his hand just to make the glare stop. “What’s wrong with you?”

He laughs again, which makes me even more perturbed. Not that it’s difficult to do. Most people are able to get on my bad side pretty quickly.

“Do you want a list?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

I shake my head and examine his card:

Old Town Ghost Tours. Max Elliot, Paranormal Investigator.

Great. Not only is he starting to be the most annoying person on the planet, he’s also one of those ghost hunting freaks.

I try to hand the card back to him, but he puts his hands up and shakes them at me. “The card is yours to keep.”

If I had a trash can close I’d make a point of throwing the thing inside of it, but the trash can is on the other side of this weirdo and I don’t feel like walking past him to get to it.

“You didn’t answer my question.” I glare at him.

“What’s wrong with me?” He looks down at his watch, which I now notice has Mickey Mouse on it. “How much time do you have?”

I give an exasperated sigh. “What can I help you with?”

He grins again. Boy does this guy like to smile a lot. He must think it’s charming, and maybe some girls are into that, but I’m definitely not one of them. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve smiled so far this year.

And I don’t go for blonds and definitely not beach boy blonds with big smiles. I prefer the dark and dangerous type, all in black leather, preferably riding a motorcycle.

“I’d love for you to go out with me, but we can negotiate that later. I’m here to see Alberta Grant. Something tells me that you’re not Alberta.”

“I’m Izzy Grant,” I reply, but I’m not sure why. I don’t really want anything to do with this guy.

“What’s Izzy short for?”

I frown. “Izzy.”

No one calls me by my given name, and definitely not this guy. I only give it out on a need-to-know basis.

“Okay, Izzy. How can I find Alberta?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re obviously not from around here.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Well, you’re not wearing jeans and cowboy boots for starters.” And you have no idea my grandmother is dead. Everyone in town knows that.

He points to his business card lying on the counter. “Just moved here. I’m trying to start a business.”

“In Old Town?”

He nods. “I’m going to capitalize on the popularity of the Tawnee Mountain Resort. The guests need some nighttime entertainment and ghost hunting is really popular right now.”

I don’t feel like stating the obvious. That there’s no such thing as ghosts.

I decide to play with the guy because he’s annoying and it’s not like I have anything better to do.

“Alberta isn’t here right now, but I can take you to her.”

He grins again. Oh how I wish I could just slap that big grin right off of his perfect, beach boy face. Then he looks around the place. “Are you sure you aren’t too busy?”

I narrow my gaze at him. “I’ll make time for you.”

“See, you already like me.”

If he only knew.

I lock up the store and hang up my OUT TO LUNCH sign. Max follows me to the small parking lot on the side of the store.

I stop in front of my old Harley H-D Iron 883. “Do you want a ride? I’ve got an extra helmet.”

He laughs. “There is no way I’m riding on the back of a chick’s motorcycle.”

I point a finger in his face. “I’m not a chick. And if you ever call me that again, I’ll rip your dick off.”

He puts his hands up. “Okay, chill. It’s just an expression. Can we take my car instead?”

I glance at the bright red Mini Cooper parked at the other end of the parking lot. “That’s not a real vehicle. That’s a clown car.”

“This isn’t just any Mini Cooper. It’s a special limited edition.”

I frown. “Just an FYI. If you plan on living in Old Town you’ll attract a lot less attention if you’re driving a pickup, preferably a Ford or a Dodge Ram.”

He grins. Another one of those huge grins that irritate every nerve in my body. “Who says I don’t want attention?”

I shake my head. “Never mind.”

I’m short, only about five feet two inches, and I’m worried about fitting inside that car. I have no idea how Max, who’s easily a foot taller than me, fits inside of it.

“Okay, we can take your car,” I agree, but only because I want to see how he squeezes inside that thing.

He pulls his keys from his pocket and starts throwing them in the air like he’s juggling with them. The guy has no shortage of ways to completely annoy me.

To my surprise Max fits into his car better than I imaged he would. He’s got the seat pushed back as far as it will go, so his legs aren’t cramped.

“You could buy a bigger car,” I say as I snap on my seat belt. “Being such a big guy.”

He laughs. “Are you kidding? This car is a chick magnet. I’ve known you less than fifteen minutes and I’ve already got you inside of it.”

When he winks at me I feel a little bile rise in my throat like I want to vomit. “Just so we’re clear. You’re not my type.”

He waves the comment off like a mosquito. “I’m everyone’s type.”

“Not mine,” I repeat.

“You won’t know for sure until you’ve had a chance to test the goods.” Then he winks at me.

Now I’m really going to be sick. “I’m not interested in testing any of your goods. Do you want to see my grandmother or not?”

He heaves a sigh. “Tell me where to drive.”

Five minutes later we pull up to the Old Town Cemetery. As soon as Max parks the car he turns and looks at me. “Is this your idea of a joke?”

“You’re the ghost hunter. Isn’t this like your Valhalla or something?”

He rolls his eyes at me. “Most graveyards aren’t haunted. Spirits like to stay close to loved ones, or places they were most familiar with before they died.”

“Whatever you say.” I open the door and hop out of his clown car.

I’m surprised when he follows. Part of me thought he’d just turn the engine back on and speed away.

As I open the cemetery gate I’m overwhelmed with sadness…again. It’s been happening a lot lately…ever since my grandmother died. She was the last of my relatives, and now I’m alone in the world. Not that I’m not used to being a loner. I’m known for it. But being alone, without any family to anchor me, makes me feel truly lost.

Alberta Grant wasn’t the nicest person in the world, but she was my rock. She lived to be ninety, and from what I’ve heard around town, spent at least forty of those years being a cantankerous old broad, who was both feared and admired.

I seem to be following in her footsteps. Except for the ad-mired part. People in Old Town say I’m freak and a bitch and tend to steer clear.

And I’m okay with that.

When I find my grandmother’s headstone I clear away the leaves that have fallen on it.

“How did she die?” Max asks. His tone is actually sincere. He’s finally dropped the overdone surfer-boy salesman act.

“She was old. Ninety.”

He nods. “Do you miss her?”

“More than I ever thought I would.”

He’s actually quiet as he stands there with me. He’s slightly attractive when he’s not talking. It’s when he opens his pie hole that he’s a complete turn off.

As we drive back toward the antique shop I have a brief moment of panic when Max passes right by it.

“You missed my stop.”

“I know,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Let me out. Now.” I can feel my pulse start to race. I briefly consider jumping out of the car, but I’m not wearing my leather today so the pavement would definitely hurt as I slid across it.

“It’s okay.” When Max glances over at me, I can see concern in his eyes. “I’m just going to take you to lunch. My treat.”

I take in a deep breath and try to calm my frayed nerves. “Lunch?”

“You put an OUT TO LUNCH sign on your door,” he reminds me. “So I’m taking you to lunch.”

“You’ll do anything for a date, won’t you?”

“So you’re actually going on a date with me?” He grins. “And here I thought you were a tough girl.”

I huff. “Do I have a choice? You kind of have me trapped in your clown car.”

When he glances over at me his eyes have turned serious. “You always have a choice. Don’t ever forget that.”

I nod, but we’re both quiet as we head back into the center of Old Town.

If only all guys thought the way he does, my life wouldn’t be a complete and total mess.



Rye Must Die Teaser



MEET THE AUTHOR


USA TODAY Bestselling author Dakota Madison is known for writing New Adult and contemporary romance with a little spice and lots of heart. She likes to explore current social issues in her work. Dakota is a winner of the prestigious RONE Award for Excellence in the Indie and Small Publishing Industry. When she's not at her computer creating spicy stories Dakota likes to spend time with her husband and their bloodhounds at their home outside Phoenix, Arizona.

Romance novelist SAVANNAH YOUNG grew up in rural northwest New Jersey in a place very similar to the fictional Old Town, which is featured in her books. When she's not at her computer creating spicy stories, Savannah is traveling to exotic locales or spending time with her husband and their bloodhounds.


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Monday, July 20, 2015

Release Tour~Murder, Mystery, and Dating Mayhem by D.E. Haggerty & #Giveaway



MMdM_Cover

Murder, Mystery & Dating Mayhem
by D.E. Haggerty
Genre: Romantic Comedy 
Release Date: March 1, 2015 


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SYNOPSIS

My name is Izzy.
I drink too much, 
am clumsier than a newborn foal, 
and my brain-to-mouth filter often malfunctions.
My daredevil husband killed himself in a parachuting accident
five years ago and my best friend Jack
has decided it’s time I jump back in the dating pool.
He’s perfectly happy to throw me in if I don’t listen.
Just when things in the dating world start to heat up,
my grandma dies.
Only her knitting group of Jessica Fletcher
wannabes is sure it’s murder.
I’m not convinced but I’m always up
for a bit of excitement as long as
it doesn’t lead to a night in jail.
Well, more than one night anyway. 
Will I miss my chance at love 
because I’m chasing imaginary killers? 
Did someone really kill grandma 
or am I and my merry band of geriatric thieves imagining things?


EXCERPT


The first ‘date’ starts off well. His name is Ed. He’s not drooling or anything, is talking to me, and not my boobs, and seems to be interested in my graphic design work. Maybe Jack was right after all. I need to get myself back into the dating game.

“So,” Ed begins after we’ve exchanged the usual pleasantries and some small talk. He leans forward and starts to whisper. “How do you feel about whips and chains?”

Not the appropriate moment to be sipping my wine, but how could I have expected that! I choke and spit a bit of wine into Ed’s face, which seems to excite him. He wiggles his eyebrows. “I take it that’s a yes?” He asks eagerly.

“Um no. That’s a definite no. N.O.” I lift my glass and down the remainder of my wine. The bell rings and I yell loudly “Next!”

Ed looks disappointed as he walks to the next table, but I’ve got my eyes on the prize. A cocktail waitress is headed my way. I snag two more glasses of wine before turning to my next date. Oh dear lord! The man is older than grandma. He struggles to lower himself in the chair opposite mine.

There goes that annoying bell again. Time to put my game face on. I smile and decide I’ll check this guy out for grandma. She could use a date. Although to be perfectly honest, I don’t remember her going out with a man – ever. There’s no time like the present.

The old man’s name is Wilbert and the five minutes pass pleasantly enough. As long as I pretend he’s dating grandma and not trying to pick me up. When the bell rings again, I rush from my chair to help Wilbert stand. I take his elbow and guide him to his next date – a girl young enough to be his great-granddaughter.

I sit back down and gather my courage for my next winner. I try to smile at the guy across from me, really I do. But have you ever tried to smile at a man with the biggest combover ever? Let me tell you, it’s not easy. I may be grimacing a tiny bit.

Mr. Combover leans over and leers at me. Yes, leers at me! His eyes are surgically attached to my boobs. True, I have good boobs, but maybe pay a bit of attention to the person attached to the boobs?

Finally done leering, he leans back and takes in my face. “You’re not the youngest anymore.” Really? That’s the first thing Mr. Combover is going to say?

“I could say the same about you,” I respond in the nasty voice I use when nagging clients that are slow to pay, but quick to make outrageous demands.

Mr. Combover clears his throat and leans in again. I bend backwards as far as possible in my chair, but he’s undeterred. “I’m just gonna get this out there and not waste my time.” I just stare at him. “Do you put out? ‘Cuz if not, I ain’t got time for you.”

Oh no, he didn’t. “What,” I sputter and grab for my first wine glass, which I down in one go. Never said I was a classy lady.

“Do. You. Put. Out?” Yes, he really enunciates it like I didn’t understand him the first time.



INTERVIEW


An Interview with Izzy, the protagonist of Murder, Mystery & Dating Mayhem
  1. In three sentences, tell us about your story.
It all starts when my bestie Jack basically throws me back into the dating pool. I’m fudging that up nicely when my grandma dies. Her crew of knitting buddies are convinced she was murdered and all of a sudden I’m caught up in a mystery. But that doesn’t mean that Jack or the knitting crew turned detectives leave me alone about finding a man. Oh no, they’re determined to catch a killer and find me love. Oops! That was like way more than three sentences.
  1. Are you the hero of your story?
I’m totally the hero of my own story. Okay maybe my detective boyfriend helped out a bit. And well I can’t not thank the Jessica Fletcher wannabes for their help. Maybe Jack helped as well. Okay, fine, I’m not the hero of my own story, but I definitely played a major part, didn’t I?
  1. It sounds like your story could have some conflict in it. Do you embrace or run from conflict?
Is there any way to say yes that doesn’t make me sound like a drama queen?
  1. Since the ladies and Jack are trying to find you a partner, it’s fair to ask – what is the quality you most desire in a man?
The direct opposite of my first husband would be a good place to start. Oh that’s sounds really catty. I loved Ryan, really I did, but it’s hard to stay in love with someone who puts getting his next thrill before taking care of his wife. So I’m going to say that thrill-seekers and adrenaline junkies need not apply.
  1. How did you get mixed up with the Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives?
Before my adventure started, the so-called detectives were part of my grandma’s knitting club. Since I was really close to my grandma, I knew all of them. After grandma died and they decided it was murder, they insinuated themselves into my life and now I can’t live without them. They’re my family. By the way, you really shouldn’t call them detectives. It only encourages them.
  1. Do you find your true love in your story?
If I tell you, will you still read my story? Is it enough to say there is a happy ending?
  1. What’s next for Izzy?
I started volunteering with this local environmental group. Except for what I learned about conservation during my recent adventures, I know next to nothing about the environment, so I usually stick to what I do know – graphic design. When I first met the group, they kinda freaked me out with how nice and enthusiastic they were. In the meantime I’ve grown to like the volunteers, although I still won’t be hugging any of them.



WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

"If you are a fan of Victoria Laurie or Janet Evanovich, you’ll probably enjoy this book. The writer has a conversational tone and the main character, Izzy, has an inner monologue that is humorous all the way through the story."

~ Amazon Reviewer
"4 Quirky, Fun and Highly Enjoyable! If you are in the mood for a good bit of fun, a light-hearted laugh and the story of a clumsy widower, with loads of friends who mean well, then this book should be next on your reading list. I highly recommend this book if you are in the mood for a romantic comedy that is slightly out of the ordinary. It is addicting and highly enjoyable!"  
~ Amazon Reviewer 
"Funny, clean, and suspenseful. The perfect combination! Haggerty’s style of writing is engaging and witty. This book is a wonderful read, and I’d definitely recommend it to anybody looking for a good, funny whodunit book that rivals the likes of Agatha Christie.

~ Amazon Reviewer 
"Light-hearted romance with touch of suspense! This book was full of laughs. Loved the quirky Izzy, her gay friend Jack, and the grey haired old lady brigade. This book was full of hilarious comedy and all the different characters gave it lots life, with a touch of suspense. You will love it!"

~ Paula of Harps Romance Book Review 
"Must Read for Mystery Lovers. Murder, Mystery & Dating Mayhem was such a fun read. If you enjoy murder mysteries with a huge helping of humor, Izzy is going to soon become your favorite character!"

~ Amazon Reviewer


MEET THE AUTHOR


I was born and raised in Wisconsin, but think I’m a European. After spending my senior year of high school in Germany, I developed a bad case of wanderlust that is yet to be cured. My flying Dutch husband and I have lived in Ohio, Virginia, the Netherlands, Germany and now Istanbul. We still haven’t decided if we want to settle down somewhere – let alone where. I’m leaning towards somewhere I can learn to surf even though the hubby thinks that’s a less than sound way to decide where to live. Although I’ve been a military policewoman, a commercial lawyer, and a B&B owner, I think with writing I may have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. That’s assuming I ever grow up, of course. Between tennis, running, traveling, singing off tune, drinking entirely too many adult beverages, and reading books like they are going out of style, I write articles for a local expat magazine and various websites, review other indie authors’ books, write a blog about whatever comes to mind and am working on my sixth book.



WHERE TO FIND HER


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Friday, July 17, 2015

Author Spotlight~Rich Amooi~Kissing Frogs & #Giveaway


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Kissing Frogs 1200x1841

Kissing Frogs
by Rich Amooi
Genre: Romance/Romantic Comedy 


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SYNOPSIS


Summer is finally here and Geography teacher Sara Larson has exactly one month to find the perfect date for the wedding of a high school rival. The odds seem stacked against her, but the last thing she wants is to sit at the kids’ table again. Or even worse, the singles’ table. While trudging through an assortment of certified losers, Sara fights her attraction towards Ian, the irresistible guy next door.

Art teacher Ian McBride has a dream of opening his own gallery, but for now he’s focused on sculpting a gift for his grandparents’ 50th anniversary and enjoying a relaxing summer. However, Ian is blind-sided when crazy, beautiful Sara and her giant dog move in next door and rock his world. Too bad she wants nothing to do with him.

How can Sara avoid the attraction that sizzles between them and stick to her rule of not dating neighbors? As far as Ian’s concerned, the prince Sara is looking for is right under her nose. And one kiss just might change everything.



Poor bastard.Sara Larson’s new neighbor



MEET THE AUTHOR

Rich Amooi -Author Photo

Rich Amooi is a former Silicon Valley radio personality and wedding DJ who now writes romantic comedies full-time. He is happily married to a kiss monster and has a hairy golden retriever/lab mix that likes to eat carrots, tuna, and Manchego cheese imported from Spain.

He believes (Rich, not the dog) in public displays of affection, silliness, infinite possibilities, donuts, gratitude, laughter, and happily ever after.






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